Have you seen any of the videos out there entitled ‘it gets better’?They relate to bullying and are by people who have been in the situation to tell others, especially the younger generation, that it does get better.
Here’s a great example of one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t89zcAGRbsc
My personality now is the polar opposite of my personality when i was younger, particularly during my teenage years. Friends who didn’t know me then actually don’t believe that I used to be painfully shy and wouldn’t speak much or offer any kind of opinion. Nowadays I am outgoing, outspoken & confident but it took my traumatic experiences as a child to get me to that place. This story is very personal to me, and one that I have only ever told bits of.
little me during happier times
My problems started in year 1 at school when I was 6. I was quiet and well-mannered, and had moved to another school after kindergarten as we had moved houses. Children can be horrible beings, and they don’t have to have a reason to bully someone. I have known friends who were bullied simply because they had red hair or glasses. The bullying started because the school uniform had a little tie at the neck, and I hadn’t cut mine off (I was too scared of my parents to do that). It was called a ‘dag tag’ and that’s where it all began. Because I was quiet and didn’t answer back I was a perfect target, both for kids my own age and older children. At the time the popular lunchtime activity was skipping or jump rope. To try to fit in and as I had nothing else to do I sometimes used to ask if I could participate. The answer was always the same ‘sure, but only if you are a never ender’. That was the worst job and meant that you were always the one turning the rope, and never get a chance to actually skip.
I didn’t have any friends as no one really wanted to associate with me because of the bullying. This was one of the loneliest times of my life, and to this day I’m not sure if my parents really knew the extent of my anguish. It was at primary school that I started to play a lot of organised sports. First netball, then running, t-ball and basketball. Sports were great because I was able to participate in something positive and excel at them without worrying about what anyone else thought. Of course this too caused trouble in my teenage years.
When I was 10 or so I got glandular fever quite badly and was off school for a few months. I went from being one of the taller girls to one of the shorter, and spent the next couple of years being sick every month or so. It was so frustrating not being able to be active, but I didn’t miss school at all. There were a couple of girls who were nice to me and I actually went to my first couple of birthday parties in my later primary school days. Never being invited to birthday parties that everyone is invited is pretty demoralising when you’re a kid but you get used to constant rejection. It makes every act of kindness so much better, and ten times more appreciated.
When I eventually left to go to high school I was hoping that a new school and new people would mean a new start. No, things got worse from there. I was still bullied by the girls as I had been before, but now the boys joined in as well, mainly because I was better at sport than a lot of them. I was tripped up intentionally at softball as well as in a PE class. The teacher noticed and pulled me aside after class. She did nothing about it other than to say to try to avoid this particular boy in future. I was verbally bullied as well although no one ever actually hit me for which I was thankful. My softball coach used to have to defend me to the other people in the team when they would get really bitchy with me.
I remember the first semi nice thing anyone said to me. We had to take in a baby photo, and a girl said to me ‘is that your photo? You were actually quite a cute baby’ before making some derogatory comment about how things had changed.
On school camps there would be activities to give notes to each other so that you could tell people what you liked about them. There were called ‘warm fuzzies’. Of course I would be lucky if I got two in the whole week, whilst most people got 50 plus. I spent a lot of this period of my life reading and playing sport. I didn’t have as a close a relationship with my parents as my siblings did, and I wonder if this is the reason. My self-confidence was pretty much zero and I was so shy by this point that I was starting to wonder if I would ever have any friends at all.
I used to hang around my sister who was in the class below but she didn’t really want her dorky older sister hanging around so I tried not to interfere too much. I seriously considered different ways of dealing with it, including suicide, but the way that I coped was by playing a lot of sport and expressing myself that way. At the time I didn’t think there was anyone I could trust enough to tell about it, including my parents and I regret that now.
Things started to change for the better when we moved from Canberra to Sydney when I was 16. Once again I was starting new at school but the kids here were actually welcoming and accepting. For the first time in my entire life I was actually able to make friends without being bullied. I wasn’t bullied a single time in the two years I was there and people actually liked the fact that I was good at sport. Even when I won an award for the most consistent player in the boy’s team they were nothing but supportive of me. They also protected me from the less than flattering comments that I received from the other teams in the league and were like my brothers.
I also made friends with the girls in my local basketball team who were mostly a couple of years older than me. I gradually came out of my shell with them, although was still many years away from being completely comfortable with myself. When I moved to the UK in 2001 I was 27, nearly 28. I remember thinking at the time that I could completely re invent myself, and be whomever I wanted to be as not a single person in this hemisphere knew me. This is such a scary but liberating experience and it forced me to be outgoing and confident or I was never going to meet new people.
I met my wonderful wife Abby 2 weeks after I arrived in the UK and we gradually became friends. Getting together with her made me realise that perhaps I should have a bit of self-confidence after all, as she is such an attractive, lovely and warm individual. I still have many, many moments of self-doubt, but each time I do this wonderful woman is there to remind me that she loves me for who I am. She says it’s insulting her to say that I am unattractive and fat, with no personality and I am implying that she has no taste. She has gradually brought up my self-confidence by her unwavering support, and shown me that I am worthy of being loved.
My family is so supportive of me and I love them dearly. They are so supportive of my being gay, even though it’s naturally taken some time for my parents to come to terms with the idea. One day when I’m living in the same country as my parents I may speak more about that time, but only when the pain and bitterness isn’t so raw. The issue of me getting bullied had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with me being gay – I hadn’t even worked that out then, it was just because I was quiet and good at sport. What it means for me now is that I cherish each and every friend that I have, and that I HATE bullies. I have even been known to step in & say something if I see it going on. Do they ever stop to think about the long-term effects of what they’re doing? Of course they don’t – it’s just them looking tough in front of their friends, and picking on whoever they can target.
I still have extremely low self-esteem when it comes to my appearance, and I absolutely detest having my photo taken because it reminds me of that. I do remember seeing one of my bullies about 5 years after I left school in a basketball tournament. She was pretty short, had put on a lot of weight & my only thought that game was ‘I’m going to kick your butt’. And I did. Hah. I have no doubt she wouldn’t even have considered that she was one of the worst bullies at the school.
My message to people out there is this: Tell someone you trust about what’s going on. School can be hard enough without being bullied, and there is a lot more awareness of it than 20 years ago when I was at school. Once you leave you can choose your own path, make your own friends and your own life. You can completely leave those worthless people behind and never see them again. Make something of yourself and prove that you have the inner strength to stand up against them. If you can do that, then I believe you can do anything. 😉 If you are a witness to bullying, you can help put a stop to it or at least help the person on the receiving end. You will never know exactly how much a kind word will mean to them.
me & my wonderful wife
There is a lot to see in the area and we’ve spent a long time rambling around the moors which are great at this time of year.
There has been a lot of rain recently so some of the creeks are a little fuller than normal and I managed to get my fix of water photography going to the Meldon viaduct just down the road from where we’re staying.
Today for a chance of scenery we went to see Wistman’s Woods which I can imagine are quite spooky in the mist. This wood of dwarf oak trees is supposedly where the druids used to hold pagan rituals and with a bit of imagination some of the trees look human. I am loving the chance to do some more landscape photography as I haven’t had much of a chance as late, although with the weather the way it is we are yet to see a sunrise or sunset.
Tomorrow we are going to have a belated New Year’s eve celebration in the evening and we are planning to visit the seaside town of Bude during the day. The great thing is that we’re only half way through the holiday and have a few extra days left and hopefully we’ll see some interesting sights along the way. We are already planning to come back when the waterfalls are able to be visited and see other things we won’t have time to see this trip.
That’s all for now – see you again soon!
Lizbian 
